un-smart

I'm not smart. And you know what? I might never be. Everything I do gets judged to the point that even this post will. Blacks tears are running down my fucking face, everyone pisses me. Like if they already knew that I'm a failure. That I'm meant to be a huge mistake and disappointment. I try so hard, yet failing classes just shows everyone that they're right. What is the best thing to do when I'm panicking in class? Telling your fuckings morals about how every teacher writes in my file that I'm a piece of shit? Fuck you. I'm in debts for a school that won't even help me when I need it and then acts like it cares about student. No you don't. You only care about your fucking salary and retirement. I'm sick of being told I'm fat, ugly, a piece of shit, a failure, etc, like if I couldn't see it myself. But fuck. Stop comparing me. I'm not my sister and will never be. But fuck, what is the point of being a good person if you have bad grades? Oh you can't do accounting but are helping people in need? Fuck. You. No, I'm not as good as the girl besides me that has everything she wants. Yes, sometimes I ball up and cry listening to my iPod. Because I need it. Because this life is killing me and I'm suffocating in it. I would slash these fucking arms if it wasn't that I made them tattooed. I tried everything, from every remedy to every pill, fuck I'm exhausted.