Bleeding out

I have no other picture to put so i might as well put this... I know most won't read and Internet is probably not the best place to say it, but I'm sick. Sick of everything that's happening. My life is supposed to be perfect; that's what people say. Money? just numbers, it seems. I cry my eyes out every night before I go to sleep, I'm alone in a huge apartment that isn't in good shape, my fridge doesn't keep my food cold and my dryer doesn't dry my clothes, my food is expired, too paranoiac to go to the store. Anxiety, impulsivity, fibromyalgia, depression and anything related are killing me. I can't sleep at night because of all the stress, but all my "friends" are busy telling me their "problems" that I wish I had instead of mine. My life is not horrible, I know. Sometimes I just wish I wouldn't have to cut my fingers while peeling old vegetables and that my cooking wouldn't be so bad. Cherish your mom's food while you can have it every night. I wear old ugly clothes who don't fit. My apartment stinks so I always smell like fried chicken and cigarettes. My neighbour is an alcoholic and the owner a drug addict. I'm not allowed to have a pet even thought I need company. I can't even take care of myself... Every night, I bathe in a bathtub with rusty orange water and a bent tub, using the old soaps people gave me because eh. My toilet paper feels like a grinder but eh two ply is better than one. I burn everything I cool or either vomit it because I am that awful. My shoes are so done but these are expensive, you know. You want to treat yourself? You can't, you need to buy 800$ worth of books because you go to school. You know, the place where you fail because your place stresses you so much? I have panic attacks, I can't even go outside. I try to exercise but I feel like dying every second. I don't have cable, I watch the same DVD over and over. I don't have music, either full access to the Internet. I have an Xbox but I can't even afford the price to pay batteries in the controller. The only thing that made me happy was my YouTube videos but my computer broke and all of my makeup is dried up or empty; can't buy some, you know. I already can't wait for the 20$ I'm getting for my birthday.  I coupon like crazy and sometimes I starve myself not to waste food or because I'm fat, I take my pills but they give me stomach aches like I always have, my ears hurt but hey take Tylenol and shut the fuck up about it already. My phone broke and thank god, I only had an iPhone because it's my only way to communicate: either way, I kept the malfunctioning Samsung that kept me from talking to people if there was an emergency. People don't see it because they're too busy on Facebook or in cegep, but sometimes I just need someone to listen and a hug. School is long, we can't talk so all week I don't talk and I'm alone and my family are sick of hearing me on weekends. I'm too unstable mentally to live alone, I believe. I don't even care about myself anymore. I don't wear makeup and I have pimples all over and crazy hair as well as horrible clothing. My head hurts and I just want to understand. Every time I'm alone, bad memories like "you didn't wanted to well too bad" comes in my mind. I can't deal with the voices in my head alone. My chest is literally exploding, I wish I still was in high school again. I think I wrote stuff that didn't make any sense, but there it is. Don't wish to grow up kids, it sucks. Especially when you can't drive. I can't.