nightingale

I know what you're thinking: that I'm messing with your feelings, that I feel alone and just want company. You know what? If that was the case, all of the shit wouldn't have been going on for more than five years, wouldn't it? When your best friend say he's not good looking enough, that he's a goof-ball and that he isn't serious - what if that's what I like? Why do I always wanna take your hand when you're there, and then why would I even want to see you this much? Every time we fought I acted like it was fine but no need to say I was devastated each time it was happening; I was texting you, then deleting it. I keep a huge teddy bear in my room cause this is what you remind me of; and I truly had hope you'd feel the same way, but I can't force you to feel something. You feel physical attraction, but nothing against the person that I am. You think i'm wonderful as a friend; just as anybody else. During relaxation and just class in general, yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking about how we'd have a perfect life together; too bad I was the only one thinking it. Me, the semi-ugly but still pretty with makeup mama that cooks you perfectly your steak even tho i'm almost vegan, I'd hug you every chance I could, kiss those chubby cheeks while we drink and watch tv on Thursdays where it doesn't matter. We could be alone in an apartment on a twin-size mattress and it'd feel like a mansion as long as we're together, trying to beat each other at video games with our unbeatable collection of consoles, imagine in our apartment and home a room with makeup on the left and hunting stuff on the right that would soon be painted a light tone of blue on pink in a few years, don't know why I was able to see road trips where I'd fall asleep in your hoodie and where you'd think I'm adorable doing so. Us going to the gym but then feeling like eating fries, I could see myself waking up next to you for a thousand years maybe more, looking at people's judgment saying yes, that's him, after all those years, but I can't make you change your mind, I know. I wish you didn't knew all my problems, because maybe then you'd think I'm a nice person. Every day for the past years, every time you'd go else where and sleep with another girl or just chat, I'd just stand there in my bedroom, jealous as fuck. When they hated me, your girlfriends, it feel like fucking satisfaction cause it meant I had made my territory clear. I don't care what car, brand of clothes or salary you have, what has always charmed me was your personality and smile, give me piggyback rides and say I do in fifteen years, I wanted that stuff just as doing the groceries and taking a shower being lots of fun, maybe my imaginary mind works too much but I really wished all of these would have been done with you, would have taken years if that's what you would have needed before giving you your last first kiss. You're adorable with children, you know that? Sorry I've been bothering you this much these last days, I thought it'd work out after so much time. You make me wanna be as much of a good person as you are, every time you're with me I just wanna take as much pictures as I can; love it when we send each other selfies or go to the movies. Every achievement of yours makes me proud, I'm glad to be the best of friends, just wish one day I'd take the place many took beforehand.



just let me burn, it's what i diserve
gotta thrive, am i lost in your eyes?